“I Am” -Sleeping Out Under Stars
Sleeping out on a moonless, clear, summer night is an awe inspiring experience. Sleep out with your kids and look up at the stars and talk, or just lie in silence and let your mind wonder. I still remember remember as a kid asking deep questions about the origins of the universe, as I gazed deep into the Milky Way one night…
There was no moon. There were no lights except the stars. In the country there were no nearby streetlights. Occasionally a car would pass down the country road and send shadows of trees dancing through the yard and on the house. Then darkness except for stars.
The warm day of work in the hayfields had given way to the cool of the night, just cool enough to lie in a light sleeping bag on the back lawn, surrounded by hay and wheat fields, teaming with chirping insects. Faintly the occasional trickle of water was heard as it would eddy in the irrigation ditch 100 feet away.
The air was full of fragrance, with cool, fresh-cut hay dominating. There was also the smell of grass and of a wet garden with tomato plants and corn. Lilies and a clump of mint planted by the house added sweetness to it all. To the farm boy it was all ambience for a curious mind.
The Big Dipper was easy to see, even the Little Dipper, all seven stars could be clearly seen, so clear was that night. The Milky Way was cutting diagonally through the sky from southwest to north. Yes it was milky, but the boys mind saw stars in that haze, and the haze became billions of tiny glittery specks in his mind. He was lost in that space, and he wondered.
“How did it all come to be?”
The 13 year old brain comprehended less than he would at 55, but thought more clearly. For the first time in his life he wondered about the real beginning. “Was there a creator? Who was the creator's creator? Who was the creator that created the creator’s creator…”
Suddenly he felt sick, dizzy and empty all together at that question. “Why?” That was a strange feeling; a very unpleasant, strange, confounded feeling.
“Where did the matter come from? How could it have a beginning? If there was a beginning to matter, before matter there would be…nothing. Impossible! Matter can’t come from nothing.”
The only thing that made any sense was that nothing should exist, only that idea would make with his mind stop reeling in confounded stupor. Yet here he was! He was real, and so were the noisy crickets, the water, lilies, corn, grass and the hay he would be bucking at 5 AM.
“I AM!”
The boy gazed at the billions of stars, inhaled the sweet, cool night air, and slept.
In the Moses story there is a point when Moses asked God for His name, “And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM”. This may also be translated, “I AM THE EXISTING ONE.” No matter what we think we know, whether atheists or believers in God, there is one thing we truly know. We exist!
